Melissa Bowley

Hello, self-care.

When everything around us seems uncertain, we at Bird & Bee are certain self-care has never mattered more. We know, we know. The buzz word gets a lot of hype, but what does self-care really mean? And more importantly what are some strategies to create or add to a self-care routine that actually make you feel your best? What about if you’re trying to conceive or already pregnant?

Glad you asked! We compiled a quick list of strategies we love that help us feel our best no matter what stage of life we’re in, but especially surrounding pregnancy. The list is certainly not all encompassing, but we feel it is a nice holistic place to start. We honor the fact that self-care is entirely unique to the individual – hence the whole “self” part of self-care. You get to determine what strategies feel authentic to you & contribute to your overall sense of wellbeing. Take what you like, leave what you don’t & reach out on instagram or email if you have any questions. We love talking about self-care!

This list is not medical advice nor should it be construed as such. We always encourage you to check in with your doctor before making any changes to your health & care routine.

Self-care strategies for feeling your best
For all stages of life, especially those surrounding pregnancy

1. Eat foods that nourish you, keep your blood sugar balanced & incorporate a variety of nutrients throughout your meals & snacks. Supplement with a high quality prenatal vitamin (4-6 months preconception and then throughout pregnancy & breastfeeding). When possible, shoot for an option with methylated folate versus folic acid to support the body’s efficient use of this key nutrient.

2. Get outside go for a walk. This form of movement is not only good for our bodies, but also our minds. Win-win!

3. Try to get 8 hours of sleep a night. To optimize sleep quality try eliminating night lighting (we <3 you, blackout curtains), screen time before bedtime & keep the bedroom cool in temperature.

4. Experiment with adding in meditation, breath work and/or yoga. Find a practice that allows a few moments of stillness everyday to clear the mind and fortify the body’s ability to be resilient & handle the stresses of day-to-day life.

5. Minimize the exposure to chemicals in personal care products & home cleaning products. This is a great “get the house baby-ready” activity! Create a personal care routine with clean products that you can feel good about & have a mini-spa day at home. We love the Environmental Working Group’s app Think Dirty for checking which products are cleanest to use.

6. For those trying to conceive, consider downloading a cycle tracking app, like Kindara or using a paper journal to track your basal body temperature (BBT) and cervical fluid. This method takes the mystery & stress out of which day(s) in the month is best to try and conceive. This method of tracking, called Fertility Awareness Method (FAM), is most successful when taught by a FAM educator, but can also be self-learned from books like ‘Taking Charge of Your Fertility’ by Toni Weschler.

7. Lean on your support system. Identify the relationships that fill you up and prioritize spending time with those people. (We think it is important to note that in these unprecedented times, spending time with loved ones will look different. Get creative & have coffee dates over FaceTime or host a virtual book club to get friends together – just a few options we have loved.)

Bird & Bee’s self-care wheel below is a great representation of how self-care revolves around what makes YOU feel your best. Big thank you to our lovely artist & friend, @lizzkelley for illustrating how we work with our clients in establishing self-care routines for their various health goals. Caring for ourselves has truly never been more important. Sending you an abundance of light & health along your journey.

For more great reads, subscribe to our newsletter and get them delivered right to yout inbox!

Three Tips for Feeling Less Crazy Around Food During a Crazy Time

What a crazy time in our lives. I don’t think any of us could have predicted 2020 would be quite so difficult, especially so early on in the year. As moms, I think we feel this at an even deeper level. We want the best for our kids, our family units as a whole, and with so much uncertainty in our world, it can feel overwhelming. I think we could all use a collective deep breath, as we navigate these challenging, uncharted waters, don’t you?

One of the areas we tend to stress over when life gets crazy is our eating. As is feeding our families (and ourselves!) isn’t hard enough some times, put the anxiety of a global pandemic into the mix and we start worrying about things like how many cans of beans we should have stocked in our pantry, how our health is going to fare if our bellies don’t see another leaf of fresh spinach for an entire month (kids everywhere are cheering) and at the same time, we have a tendency to turn to food to cope with the emotions of it all.

We feel the push and pull of wanting to serve our families, and be in control, all the while, feeling as out of control as ever before.

Here’s where I want to provide you with some encouragement:

It’s 100% normal to be feeling this way– you are not alone. As an Intuitive Eating counselor, I help women stress less about food so they can enjoy their lives more fully; and I have worked with client after client this past week who is feeling the stress and strain of feeling out of control like never before. And where I can’t take the stress of the outside world away, I can provide some tools to stress less, exactly where you are.

Because even in the midst of crisis, we can use this as an opportunity to tune in to what our bodies need and serve them in the best way we know how- with nourishment, and a huge side of grace.

Three tips for feeling less crazy around food during a crazy time:

1. Recognize that this time is only temporary.

As hard and scary and unknown this time can be, it is, in the grand scheme of our lives- just a blip in time. We can take one massive deep breath knowing that whatever happens during our time alone in our homes, going a little crazy watching Frozen 2 for the fourth time… today… whether we eat our entire stash of Girl Scout Cookies, don’t exercise for two whole months, sit on the couch a little more than we’d like or eat way more boxed macaroni and cheese than we had ever planned– this time will not be forever.

2. Create a self-care toolbox.

Anxiety is HIGH, these days. Everywhere we turn there is information overload, and just like with nutrition information, it can be hard to weed through and hard to identify what’s true and what isn’t- and this can cause even MORE anxiety.

Stressful and anxious feelings often lead to one of two things when it comes to how we approach eating:

We crave comfort. Food is easy. Food is available. When we feel like we are trying to hold it together for everyone around us. It’s easy to turn to food for that release.

We crave control. When things feel out of control, we often have the desire to control. This can send us into desiring control around food (which causes more stress, and isn’t productive for long-term nourishment) or overeating to cope with the feelings of being out of control.

This is the SAME reason everyone bought all the toilet paper- a scarcity mindset, the idea that everything might go away, makes us feel like we need to hoard it all now.

Although baking tray of brownies and enjoying them with your kids is a wonderful way to pass the time of social distancing, we also don’t want to be eating the whole pan- and this is where self care comes into play.

The more we care for ourselves, the better we connect with our feelings. The more we connect with how we’re feeling, share and express these feelings, we can choose positive ways to cope with them- yoga, meditation, prayer, journaling, walking, healthy distraction, connection time with family– instead of turning to food.

3. Get back to the basics.

What baseline things can you do to take care of YOU, today? Health doesn’t need to be fancy or complicated.

Have you taken a shower, yet, mama? How about had something to drink other than that mug of coffee (or three- and I’m not talking about wine!)… Can you go for a walk outside with the kids for some fresh air and a dose of Vitamin D? Are you getting to bed on time and waking up at a reasonable time (aka- getting enough sleep and sticking to a regular routine)? How can you include some nutrient-dense foods even when availability is low (but no stress here, mama- remember- it’s temporary).

I know we all want to live healthy, happy, whole lives- and just because we’re off our routines doesn’t mean we need to throw away all our healthy habits and spend our days in a Girl Scout Cookie Coma, but it also doesn’t mean we need to stress about it. We can focus on the little things, take this time as an opportunity for connection with our kids, establish a new routine and embrace this situation as just another season in our lives.

My brand new online course, on pre-sale now: Uncomplicated Eating: learn to stress less about food and enjoy life more. Get 15% off using code MOMUNITY.

For more great reads, subscribe to our newsletter.

Keeping Calm Through the Storm

Let me preface this post with letting you know I am writing this from my couch with a 3-year-old curled on my lap feeling far from his best. So whatever you’re dealing with right now trust that I feel you, sister — you are not alone! I am a mother.

For many of us, this is the first time we’re facing a pandemic since becoming parents. We’re used to the usual possibility of the flu, the stomach bug and other colds and viruses that come through our homes, schools and daycares. What we’re not used to is the systemic panic in addition to these threats. Throw in the stress that is already present from everyday life and a dash of sleep deprivation, and we have a recipe for a pretty anxious mama.

All of this considered, it’s easy to get carried away by everything we’re seeing on the news and other media. We have to keep in mind that how we react during these times not only affects our own mental health, but our children are observing and learning from our behaviors.

I am staying grounded by choosing to look at this whole situation as an opportunity. It might sound crazy, but we have a chance here to practice some powerful skills that will get us through these stressful times and come out on the other side as more resilient parents raising emotionally intelligent children.

Here are some practical tips to navigate the coronavirus craze:

Look at the facts, and no more. Get your updates on the outbreak from reputable sources like the World Health Organization (www.WHO.int) or the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (www.CDC.org). Limit your time on social media, especially if your newsfeed is feeding the anxiety monster.

Remember, you can only do what you can do. Experts are advising us to practice some simple precautions: wash hands often, cover your cough, don’t touch your face, practice social distancing (3 or more feet), and stay home if you feel sick. If you’re following these recommendations, rest assured that you’re doing all you can!

Practice mindfulness and choose optimism. This is where mindfulness really comes in handy, because you first need to be aware of your thought patterns before you can make any adjustments. There is actually research that has linked optimism with an increase in immune system function. This could be due in part to how a positive outlook is also associated with lower stress levels and other healthy behaviors (such as a nutritious diet). When you catch your mind wandering to a place of fear of the “what-ifs”, then follow the step below.

Express gratitude, relentlessly. Gratitude is the doorway to a positive outlook. Try right now to make a list of all you are grateful for in this moment. I’ll share mine with you… I am grateful that this week I will not be on a strict timetable which will be MUCH less stressful that a typical weekday morning for us! I am grateful for technology that allows me to do my job from home, and for the beautiful weather that has allowed us to spend so much time outdoors these last few days. Ok, your turn :).

SLEEP AND REST! I can’t emphasize this one enough. Sleep (or lack thereof) affects literally every system of the body, especially the immune system. Research has shown that poor sleep may make you more likely to catch a cold and also make it more difficult to fight off an infection. I know some of you are probably laughing reading this thinking, “Yeah, would if I could, lady!” I know it can be easier said than done as a parent especially when you’re so stressed out, but that’s what I’m here for — to help you through these kinds of struggles.

Like many of you, I’ll be home with my son this week. My mission is always to make my resources as accessible as possible to those that need them, so I’ve decided to offer all classes and privates virtually. With or without children your children at home, I encourage you join me from the comfort of wherever you’re bunkered up to de-stress with therapeutic stretching, functional fitness, mindfulness, meditation, and Reiki energy healing. All classes will be offered for $5 and unlimited access for only $25 for the week. Invite the whole family to participate with you to boost everyone’s immunity!

If you need extra help in this area, reach out for a consultation: book online at https://www.integrativewellnessri.com/ bookings-checkout/15-minute- phone-consultation or call/text 401-268-7225. You can also follow my Facebook and Instagram pages (@IntegrativeWellnessRI) or my Raise Your Vibration community group on Facebook — I keep my people armed with plenty of uplifting content and useful tools.

Vibe on, Mama warriors! This, too, shall pass!

Join Alyssa Knapp for a previsouly recorded guided meditation.

To get more blog posts filled with incredible tips, subscribe to our newsletter.

Things to Consider About Breastfeeding During COVID-19

With the rapid increase in the need to prepare for the COVID-19 I wanted to share some information on the importance of continuing to breastfeed.

Breastmilk is known for its immunological properties, so continuing to breastfeed is helping to support your baby’s immune system as best as possible. Weaning is not necessary during this time unless medically indicated by your doctors or pediatricians. According to the CDC; In limited studies on women with COVID-19 and another coronavirus infection, Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS-CoV), the virus has not been detected in breast milk.”

It is important to continue to breastfeed on demand during this time to not disrupt your milk supply. In the event you are unable to breastfeed because you are physically struggling to or separated from your baby, consider hand expression or pumping as an alternative to still pass along the immunological properties.

As with any concern of a virus, good hygiene is encouraged. Hand washing, covering your cough, wearing a mask if indeed positive for the virus are all ways to stop the spread.

If you are struggling with breastfeeding, most private practices are still offering in home visits. Some are offering phone or video visits to support you as best as possible during this difficult time. Please see the list of providers on momunity.co or ribreastfeeding.org

At this time, I am still offering in home visits on a case by case basis but am also offering phone and video consults and some insurances are covering them so they are reimbursable. I am in network with Aetna and Unicare and Aetna is covering them for the next 90 days.
Moms please reach out in regards to lactation support even during this difficult time.

Get informative blogs, like this, delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.

Reference:
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/specific-groups/pregnancy-guidance-breastfeeding.html

The Lasts are Devious

It came up in my Facebook memories today. A cute post about Liam asking if I could still pick him up. When I replied yes, he shouted Yay! and I secretly shouted yay in my head as well.

That post was from a few years ago. Today, I can no longer pick him up. In fact, both my boys can now probably pick me up.

These are the lasts and nobody ever talks about them.

The lasts are devious. A last will sneak up on you and you have no idea it is gone until weeks or months have passed and by then it’s too late. It’s gone forever and you didn’t even realize it happened.

The last time he holds your hand.

The last time she quietly, or not so quietly, slips into your bed.

The last time you cuddle with her on the couch when she’s home sick.

The last time you walk your kids to school.

The last time you get to pick out their clothes.

There are the swing pushes and trips to the park that will disappear.

The field trips your child once begged you to come on? A distant memory.

The play dates you organized based on which moms you liked best will be replaced by school kids you may or may not know.

Bathtime play is swapped for showers behind closed, locked doors.

So always hold those hugs a little bit longer than you should because there will come a day when you go to wrap your arms around your kids and they will deftly duck out of the way.

And if you can still pick up one of your kids, do it today.

It may be your last time and you don’t even know it.

This post was originally published on Sharon DeVellis: Humour and Humanity. Click over to read more great content.

Get new blog posts delivered right to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.

Some Love for Our Moms From the Peyton Company

We believe that moms needs time to slow down and enjoy the quieter moments and that is why we have partnered with the Peyton company to bring a little mamma care your way.

The Peyton Company was founded upon a desire to create beauty, body, and wellness products that are made with organic, sustainable, and local ingredients, and that are widely accessible and affordable.

Enter below for a chance to win a $25 gift card to the Peyton Company and a bottle of Rosewater Toner, care of momunity!

How My Miscarriage has Been One of my Greatest Blessings

How my miscarriage has been one of my greatest blessings and led me to work in the postpartum care space

In December of 2019 I had a miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy, and my husband Kyle and I were delightfully surprised when we found out we were pregnant. I was eight weeks when we miscarried, and though it absolutely crushed our worlds it was truly one of the greatest blessings in my life. The weeks and months following my miscarriage were some of the most transformational moments of my life. Though it completely rocked my world, it broke me open and challenged me in all new ways. With support from a variety of teachers, therapists, coaches, doctors, and body workers, I was able to connect deeper with myself, find real inner peace, and tackle health challenges I had always ignored.

For as long as I can remember my menstrual cycle was irregular. I was on a birth control pill for over a decade, and once I came off, my period didn’t return. In fact, we were shocked we got pregnant because I hadn’t had a bleed, never mind knowing if I was even ovulating. This wake-up call led me to seek out hormone health and fertility support at Bird & Bee. After working with Kate for a short three months I successfully got my period back naturally and conceived. Kyle and I are expecting our baby in early May of this year.

This pregnancy is far different than my first. Not only because of the obvious that I’ve maintained this pregnancy, but due to the absolute inner peace I have in my heart, in thanks to my miscarriage. While miscarriages happen in about ten percent of known pregnancies, there is not clear evidence as to the causes of early loss of pregnancy. Much of my healing is credited to wholeheartedly believing that I nor my baby did anything “wrong” to cause the loss. Accepting this truth has been key for me. My own meditation and breathing practices have also been instrumental in my peace this pregnancy. Fear of loss again has certainly come up, so I have a specific mantra I use when those thoughts or feelings come up to bring me back to calmness and trust.

Lastly, my miscarriage opened my eyes to a part of myself that I had not yet awakened to and that is my femininity – my hormone health, my feminine energy – what makes me, me. It literally transformed me to a deeper part of myself, connecting me closer to ever before with myself, and my babies. It’s brought me greater clarity and purpose in reconnecting women to their most authentic selves. It led me to receive me pre- and post-natal yoga certifications and my postpartum doula training. And it’s brought me full circle with all of my personal experiences and education together in one beautiful offering. I now work at Bird & Bee as an integrative health coach in the postpartum space to support, empower, educate, and connect mamas in their postpartum journeys to help ease their transitions in motherhood.

I believe experiences happen for us and not to us. I believe in the power of sharing our experiences as both healing modalities and deeper connection to others. I believe in community and support systems to guide us further along our paths, to teach us, and to empower us to reach our unique goals. I believe that we all can have true inner peace without experiencing great loss. And I believe that when we get quiet, pay attention, listen to our bodies, and find the right people to help us that we all have the ability to heal, transform, and live our most authentic, loving selves.

Just Another Day in the Life I Chose

Dear God, what have I done to my son, the poor kid is worried about me because I can’t keep it together in front of him long enough to smile, kiss, and hug him goodbye in the foyer of my in-laws house during a routine dropoff. I tried so hard to keep my voice steady and clear, my eyes from spilling tears, and my mouth in some sort of format of a smile, and my body betrayed me as I leaned in for a hug and felt his littleness wrap around me. My voice shook, my chest heaved, my smile twisted into an ugly cry frown, my eyes spilled tears, and sobbing, choking wails broke out. My son pulled away from me and asked “What’s wrong Mommy? Why are you sad?” I answered, “Mommy misses you very much everyday and I wish that today I could spend the whole day with you, but Mommy has to work today and I don’t want to, I just want my baby boy, my heart hurts.” I started to uncontrollably weep again, fighting the lump in my throat, trying so hard to force it away and keep this flood of tears at bay until I was in the safety of my car, alone.

It was like fighting the tide, it just couldn’t be done.

“Mommy, hold on, I’ll go get ice for you. I’ll make you better.” He took off into the kitchen and I heard drawers banging and the freezer drawer slide open and he bounced down the few steps to the landing and handed me a ziplock bag of ice cubes and held them to my chest. “Mommy, here, this ice will help your heart hurt less, I’m sorry Mama, see? I made you all better.” His little voice so full of assurance, certainty, and kindness reached into my chest and grabbed onto my heart more tightly than I had ever felt. I held onto the bag of ice against my heart silently praying for it to actually freeze my heart, freeze the sadness, the guilt, the shame, the regret, and the pure and raw hurt that I carry with me all day, everyday for not being everything I wanted to be for this little person that I promised the world to upon his arrival.

Just another day in this life I chose, the struggle is real, but I keep on keeping on. And, I pat myself on the back for raising such an emotionally intelligent and available little boy. I must be doing something right. And so are all of you working moms out there. If anyone asks me what the biggest struggle is regarding my business, the answer is always how I am riddled with guilt, sadness, and frustration over how it takes me away from my son, my husband, and my family, and that I am always desperately trying to find a balance between work and home, and that I often fail at that. I knew that being a working mother is not an easy feat, but I had no idea how truly difficult it would be when I dove in head first into developing a brand and becoming an entrepreneur. I never dreamt my son would be trying to heal my broken heart at age 4, ziplock and all. I feel that by sharing my personal struggle so open and without apology, that it will help bring healing, comfort, and hope to all the other women out there fighting the same battle bravely, silently, and fiercely with everything they’ve got. I know you’re out there, I see you trying like I do. Every. Single. Day.

This is who we are. This is us.

We wake up every day ready to hit the ground running, minds racing with the to-do list, but being mindful to not bound out of bed straight to our email, but to stop and kiss our littles good morning before we pick up our phones. Sometimes we slip up, and the guilt catches us by the throat, and we spend an extra five minutes sitting with them curled up on the couch watching Paw Patrol and putting the lego man’s arm back on that fell off while they were sleeping with it in bed. They are happy and grateful, we just fixed everything wrong in their world, and that feeling fixes ours for a brief moment.

We make sacrifices that are grave to our health, mental well being, and general wellness and that has just become routine. We don’t complain too much about it, we put on the brave face and wear the guise of phrases like “I can sleep when I’m dead” and “No guts, no glory” and “Time to put the big girl panties on” and “Work hard now so I can play later” and just keep plowing forward fueled by the belief that all of our hard work and sacrifices will pay off. And they will, if we follow our plans. We are sure of this, and are relentless in the pursuit of our dreams. We cry a lot. Like a whole lot, and sometimes in moments where we would rather do anything but cry, but dammit, this is what happens when there’s so much passion and love involved in our work, or when our heart is aching, just longing to put the madness of the world on pause so we can have a day with our children. And we can’t, so much is at stake, we just landed a partnership with a brand we have lusted over for years, or have a deadline looming for our biggest contract yet.

We are resilient, creative, and are always trying to find ways to have more balance between work and home, and sometimes the two worlds collide. When this happens, you can sometimes hear our children in the background of a conference call screeching, or popping into the studio when trying to film and we have to do 50 retakes. We apologize profusely, but deep down know most people understand, and for those that don’t, oh well. We are mothers before bosses at the end of the day. We are tough as nails, and we work harder than ever, and our children see us always being industrious and getting things done. This gives them hopefully a strong work ethic, and that’s what we tell ourselves when we feel guilty for how much we work. We believe that when they grow up they will remember what strong mothers they had and that it will inspire them to want to be the same way. We chose this life. No one forced it upon us, and we are entirely aware of that fact.

We are also aware of how going back to corporate or other alternatives seem nearly impossible after we have tasted the sweetness of being your own boss, and the freedom it brings us in certain areas. We can be as vibrant, bold, and creative as we want to be, there is no limit to what we can do. Our children are proud of us, and think that we are Goddesses and that we can do whatever we set out to do. And we can. We are painfully aware of the sacrifices that we impose on our children and our families, ones that they didn’t bargain to make. Sending that text to our significant others saying “Omw, love you, see you soon” and taking an extra 45 minutes to get home because a last minute client walked into our store happens often and dinner is now an hour behind and we lost our reservation. Not being able to chaperone our little one’s school trip, time after time because one of our employees called out, or because we had a meeting we HAD to take, and our child is left feeling sad and dejected because they were so excited and proud to have us there with them. The list could go on and on. They didn’t bargain for this or ask for it, but they show us grace usually and understanding, and sometimes we feel like we don’t deserve them. And then we cry. In the shower, in the car, sometimes silently into our pillows at night. We are a rare breed, and our breed is growing rapidly. Nearly 1,800 businesses are founded daily by women, meaning that we will soon be the majority of what makes up entrepreneurs in this country within the next 5 years according to sources at Business News Daily. There is no reason that we should continue to keep our struggle stories quiet, as there is so much unharnessed power in authenticity and reality. According to these stats, we are by no means alone in our journey, and I thoroughly encourage each and every mother in business to live in their truth: loud, vulnerable, and bold. We are here, listening for your voice, supporting you, and ready to embrace you waiting with a ziplock baggie of ice in hand.

For more incredible stories by moms, subscribe to our newsletter and sign up on momunity.

Fifteen

It was our 5th anniversary and I was a few months pregnant with our 2nd child and we had a toddler at our newly purchased home.

I think we went out for dinner, but honestly can’t really remember.

See, I was tired that year. In fact, I was tired for almost a decade. It was deeply, overwhelmingly exhausted. My body was tired, my brain was tired. Every part of my soul was fighting to keep myself present and alive.

I remember back to that time period how hard it was. How my husband and I would attempt to move around each other in our home, both of us dissatisfied. I remember sitting in the dark with him in our hot tub where he would lay out his complaints about our relationship. How our romance was gone. How I was gone.

I remember listening and trying really, really hard to hear it, to understand and to want to solve the issues. But I was too tired.

I was in the trenches with kids, and home, and trying so desperately to find out who I was as a mother, attempting to land on my feet after being knocked off it by two pregnancies.

I remember just wanting this stage to be OVER. To have our life out of the “building” phase, to know HOW many kids we were going to have, where we were going to be, so that I could spend time living instead of surviving.

Back then we didn’t fight a lot, the hubby and I, but we also didn’t “mesh” very well, We loved each other, but there was a struggle for each of us to find our role in our partnership. We were building something, but we honestly didn’t know what and we kept getting our responsibilities mixed up.

We had babies, we worked, and we tried really hard to maintain our relationship.

But the babies needed to be fed, to be loved, to be played with. Diapers needed changing, kids needed to be dropped off and picked up and someone ALWAYS needed something.

By the end of most days there was nothing left in me. Not even a tiny bit. I had every ounce of anything already given out to our three young kids. I rolled into bed exhausted, my brain done GIVING and ANSWERING and PROVIDING. I was empty.

We were great parents. We spent time with our kids, together as a family. We went on adventures, and invested in their lives. And there was nothing left for “us”.

We hit rock bottom, probably more than once, and each time clawed our way back up, until eventually we stopped trying to live like that and put everything at risk, our relationship, our investments, our everything, so we could find some peace.

But we survived, my husband and I. I’m not sure how, but last night as we celebrated our 15th anniversary, we reminisced about those hard days. I remembered what it was like to always be saying “no, not tonight honey” because I just couldn’t handle sharing any more of me. I remember what it was like to wish I knew what he was thinking and how he truly felt.

We sat together last night, enjoying a bottle of wine and talking. There are no mysteries left in our relationships, we know pretty much everything about each other. Together in the past 10 years we have tackled demons, sat together in the dark and struggled through the uncomfortable parts of our relationship, each taken responsibility for our feelings and made changes to better ourselves.

We made plans last night for family holidays and shared our thoughts on our life as it is. We both exhaled sighs of relief that we made it to this place where our kids are more independent and we have a stable foundation for our life. We wished we had found this sooner, but both recognize all the things that needed to happen so we would.

We know what our life is now, and we know who we are living it. We know our relationship and how to work together as partners to give everyone what they need. We know each others personalities, thoughts and feelings, sometimes better than we know our own.

When we were first married we had ideas for our life, which turned into sketches, and then we spent 10 years of manual labour building and sweating. We now feel we are in the life we imagined, just adding the finishing touches, but spending most of our time living, and not building these days.

We have been waiting for this stage for 15 years, every since that day we said “I Do”. Waiting to have the time to actually be partners together. Waiting to have a life.

And it is here, and we are living it.

This post was originally published on Three Chickens and a Boat. Click over to read more great content.

Get new blog posts delivered right to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.